


Long Days, Longer Nights

by eleuther



Series: Healing [2]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hot Space Era, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda, Light Angst, Nightmares, Sad Roger Taylor (Queen), and really tired, its called "just once" i highly recommend, just a self promo, just barely tho like its not even really there im just tagging it as a precaution, kind of a follow up to my other fic, more frustrated, semi-happy ending, you dont have to read it first tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 05:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleuther/pseuds/eleuther
Summary: Roger is having some trouble sleeping but he doesn't know how to bring it up.*ignore the shitty title*





	Long Days, Longer Nights

**Author's Note:**

> howdy. this is really shitty but I wanted to post it anyway. minimal editing as usual. nothing graphic like at all just some vague mentions of child abuse but it's like... seriously only there once. idk if nightmares need a trigger warning but there's a couple of moments of just him waking up a little disoriented. anyway, enjoy.

**Munich 1981**

It had honestly been years since he had even crossed Roger’s mind. The band had found out early on - completely unintentional but it really was for the better - and whenever he had a flashback or nightmare to his traumatic childhood they were there for him. Yes, Roger was fine and had been for a while now. There was literally no reason for this to have popped up _now_ of all times. 

He’d woken up in a cold sweat for the third night in a row and wondered what it was this time. He barely remembered what happened in his dreams but it was easy to guess when he felt the phantom pains across his stomach. Roger let out a sigh and stared at the ceiling; he wasn’t getting back to sleep any time soon. 

He thought about which of his bandmates would be awake; Freddie was likely out still - it was only around two in the morning and if he wasn’t still at a club he’d be at someone else's house. Brian was probably awake, but he had his own problems. And the last thing he wanted was to wake up John; there was already enough arguing in the studio without an overtired bassist. 

He sighed again and wondered when this became his reality; unsure and feeling unable to rely on his best friends for comfort when needed. 

This album had been taxing for all of them. Roger wasn’t a fan of the disco theme, and Brian was definitely not happy about it all. But Freddie and John thought it was a good idea and lately he hadn’t had the energy to fight back. The others were right; they’re just trying something new. 

Of course, Brian didn’t agree with that. He thought it was a mistake and maybe it was, or maybe this would be their biggest album yet. They don’t know and they won’t unless they try. 

Deep down Roger worried if this was going to be the end of them. He wondered if he was the only one who really cared. 

*

The next morning was tense in the studio. Brian refused to say a word and Freddie had yet to arrive. John sat tuning his bass in silence, occasionally glancing up at the door. 

Roger tuned his drums in silence as well and hoped they wouldn’t notice his lack of enthusiasm for the day ahead. He hadn’t been able to get back to sleep the night before and well and truly felt like collapsing in a heap on the couch. He hoped there wouldn’t be too much arguing that day, though that was unlikely. Maybe he could stay out of it. Just play the drums and then go back to bed. Easy peasy.

_Yeah right, in this band? Unlikely._

He let out a sigh without thinking and both Brian and John shot him looks. Roger winced and mumbled an apology, before getting back to work. This was going to be a long day. 

* 

A long day indeed. Freddie had finally waltzed in nearly two hours late. Brian and John had already been arguing on and off about a new song that once again didn’t include any guitar. None of them really noticed Rogers near silence. 

It was nearing lunch, though it felt like they’d been at it for days. They finally called for a break and Brian all but ran from the room. John and Freddie both went out for a cigarette. Roger let out a long-suffering sigh and made his way to the couch. A quick power nap will do him some good, he thinks. 

He blamed his overtired mind for not thinking about the fact that he gets nightmares every time he sleeps. 

Roger shot up from his spot on the couch, sweating and crying and horrifyingly aware of everything around him. He rubbed a hand down his face, effectively getting most of the tears off and looked at his watch. _12:30_. Great. He only slept twenty minutes and his bandmates would be back soon. He quickly jumped up and made his way to the bathroom. 

The reflection that greeted him was not pleasant but there was nothing he could really do at the moment. He splashed some water on his face and tried to will his still shaking hands to stop. He wondered if it was all really worth it; would the band notice his behavior? Maybe a bit, but for all they knew he could be high as a kite. He often indulged, though never during rehearsals, but he could let them assume whatever they wanted. 

Roger left the bathroom and made his way down the hall, shaky hands shoved deep into his pockets and head down. When he entered the studio the rest of the band had come back. Freddie looked calmer and John and Brian kept glancing at each other. They probably hadn’t noticed he’d left. Roger hoped the rest of the day would move quickly.

*

The day did not move quickly and no one said anything about his obviously messed up appearance. He declined when Freddie asked him to join on a night out, though John agreed. Brian said he needed to call his wife and Roger felt for him, really, because he was sure their conversations were anything but pleasant at the moment. 

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. This was as good a time as any to mention the nightmares but Brian seemed distracted and Roger wasn’t sure he could say it more than once. 

They bid each other goodnight when they got to their rooms even though being alone is the last thing he wanted and Brian would have stayed if he asked. Maybe he should have gone with Freddie. 

*

Another night, another nightmare. Roger found himself wondering how none of his friends noticed that something was so clearly wrong. 

_They’re just distracted._

Right, he thought. 

_Distracted or disinterested?_

He hated that he wanted to cry. And he really needed to sleep but that was unlikely at this point; Brian would still be awake, right? God, he hoped so. 

Still, he felt a bit guilty knocking on his best friends door. What if he had just managed to fall asleep? He ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip, hoping he would open the door. He really couldn’t be alone, not now that he was out here and waiting. 

He was beginning to think he would be stuck by himself for the night when he heard footsteps behind him. 

“Rog? Is that you, darling?” Freddie’s voice had him melting in relief because it was someone even if he was likely too high to really do much other than sit with him. But when he turned around John was there too, and then Brian opened the door, a towel around his waist, and he had to bite hard on his lip to keep from crying. 

“What’s wrong, Rog?” Brian asked and the sob that left him was almost painful. 

They ushered him into the room and onto the bed. He tried to catch his breath but it really wasn’t working. The last thing he wanted to do was completely lose it in front of them. 

“What’s wrong, love?” 

Roger sighed. “There’s just so much going on. And I know that you guys are always there for me, you’ve said it enough, but we all have our own issues right now and I don’t -”

“Wait, Rog, has something happened?” Brian asked. They all looked alarmed now and he regretted even leaving his room in the first place. 

“Nothing has really happened I’ve just been… having some trouble. Sleeping and such. I keep thinking about -” He bit his lip, unsure if he could explain this correctly. 

“Keep thinking about what?” John’s voice was incredibly soft. 

“I keep having these nightmares of when I was a kid. I can’t remember much but I always wake up terrified. I never fall back asleep. I’m sick of this and it’s only been happening for a few days -”

“Wait this has been happening for a few days? Why didn’t you say something?” Brian asked. They all looked a little offended if he was being honest. Roger blushed at his admittedly flawed reasoning. 

“Well… I mean, this album is stressful for all of us! And I know you all have your own problems and I guess I just didn’t want to make this about me.”

The comforter was suddenly very interesting to Roger. He’d calmed down a bit but now they weren’t saying anything. 

“Look I just want to get some decent sleep. Can we just lay here? And then we can talk some other time.” 

He looked at the other three and watched the mental conversation they seemed to have. It was embarrassing and he wanted to be angry but all he felt was relief when they nodded. They managed to squeeze together on the queen-size bed; not the most comfortable but way better than sleeping alone. It was the first full night he’d gotten since they arrived in Munich.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments and kudos I need validation !!!


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